5 Dos & Don'ts to Reconnect with Your Partner After Having Kids

Takeaway: Feeling like you lost your spark with your partner after having a new baby? It's important to focus on rebuilding that emotional connection. You’re not alone.

Here, the therapists at Atlanta Therapeutic Collective share their recommendations for how to reconnect with your partner after having kids as new parents. –including what to avoid.

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When Sam and Pip became new parents, they braced themselves for the sleepless nights, the endless loads of laundry, and the daily debate over whose turn it was to tackle the next diaper. 

What they didn't expect was how quietly the distance between them would grow including the loss of morning coffee together after their first child arrived.

Their once playful conversations, full of future plans and inside jokes, gradually morphed into checklists about feeding times and daycare routines. By the time they reached out for help, Pip admitted, "It feels like we're just roommates now. I miss us... but I don't even know how to find our way back."

Sound familiar? 

At Atlanta Therapeutic Collective, we specialize in supporting new parents as they adjust from a romantic relationship to parenthood.

With a deep understanding of perinatal mental health and the evolving identity shifts that occur after kids, we helps couples rebuild their connection, improve communication, and rediscover each other—without adding more pressure to the already full plate of domestic duties. 

In this post, we'll share five dos and don'ts to reconnect with your partner after having kids and spend quality time together . Whether you're feeling more like roommates than romantic partners or just want to feel closer again, you'll find guidance here to help you rebuild connection, one small step at a time.

The “do’s” of how to reconnect with your partner after having kids

1. Prioritize quality time

• What it is: Carving out time, whether a few minutes or a few hours, for intentional connection beyond parenting roles.

• Example: Setting aside 10-15 minutes each day without screens or other distractions for holding hands or fun.

• How it helps: Alone time helps you show up as your best self when reconnecting with your partner. These small moments of connection help maintain emotional intimacy and mutual appreciation.

2. Great communication is key to reconnecting with your partner.

• What it is: Communicating openly and kindly without assigning blame to discuss emotions, needs, and daily responsibilities in a safe space.

• Example: Instead of saying "You never make time for us," try, "I miss spending time together and want to find a way to make that happen."

• How it helps: Scheduling regular check-ins can improve communication, and we often recommend a RADAR check-in meeting template to get started.

3. Acknowledge the toll of exhaustion

• What it is: Sleep deprivation can reduce the energy available for couples to connect, impacting both mental and physical health.

• Example: One helpful strategy is to try a "Sleep Swap," agree on one morning or evening each week when each partner gets uninterrupted rest.

• How it helps: Prioritizing rest makes it easier to be present, patient, and emotionally available which can be beneficial rebuilding connection and minimizing reactivity. This small and intentional practice can decrease resentment, restore energy, and reinforce a sense of partnership with well rested minds.

4. Understand shifts in sexual desire

• What it is: Changes in sexual behavior and desire are common and can be influenced by hormones, body image issues, and emotional elements such as feeling sad. Research shows that responsive desire, where desire grows in response to a stimulus, is a typical experience during postpartum.

• Example: Make a priority list of turn ons that will increase your desire for sex and turn offs that could decrease your desire for sex.

• How it helps: Understanding and normalizing responsive desire decreases feelings of pressure or frustration. Making a list of turn ons is a way to communicate your needs around sex without having to constantly remind your partner.

5. Communicate openly to maintain intimacy

• What it is: Honest conversations is essential for maintaining connection—especially around parenting and postpartum. It involves expressing emotions, needs, and challenges, even when it's uncomfortable.

• Example: Dedicate a quiet 15-minute window during the day to sit and talk—whenever it works best for both partners. The Speaker-Listener Technique where partner speaks while the other listens without interrupting and then reflects back what they heard before switching roles.

• How it helps: This contained approach reduces misunderstandings, builds emotional safety, and helps both partners feel validated and heard, which can build a strong relationship.

The “dont’s” of how to reconnect with your partner after having a child

1. Don't wait for the "perfect time."

• What it is: The perfect or ideal time does not exist with children or parenting; plans for intimacy or connection will be interrupted.

• Example: That weekend getaway or real date night are ideal for sex, yet may get cancelled because you're too sleep deprived or the kids need you.

• Why avoid it: The postpartum period is full of stressors—sleep deprivation, emotional shifts, identity adjustments that make ideal time rare. Having small, intentional connections are often more realistic and effective.

2. Don't expect your partner to read your mind.

• What it is: Assuming your partner understands or knows your needs without communication.

• Example: Becoming resentful after your partner doesn't handle a chore you thought was agreed on like diaper duty or laundry without properly addressing it.

• Why avoid it: Unspoken expectations can fuel resentment and hurt reconnection efforts. At Atlanta Therapeutic Collective, we often use the Gottman Negotiating Power Handout to help partners have open, structured conversations around needs to prevent assumptions that can lead to hurt and fighting.

3. Pretending that you're fine, when you're not fine—ignoring burnout doesn't make it disappear

• What it is: Masking fatigue or emotional stress for the sake of seeming "okay."

• Example: Saying "I'm fine" even though you're overwhelmed, then snapping at your partner, family member, or friend over minor frustrations.

• Why avoid it: Chronic exhaustion lowers relationship satisfaction, especially in the first postpartum year after your baby arrives. Pretending to be okay and suppressing your needs doesn't protect the relationship—it gradually creates distance.

4. Let go of expecting intimacy to look like it did before kids—it evolves

• What it is: Judging your current connection by how romantic or spontaneous things used to be before kids.

• Example: Feeling frustrated when spontaneous date nights stop and intimacy becomes less of a priority and infrequent, then holding it against your partner.

• Why avoid it: Parenting changes how and when we connect. Trying to force things to be like they were in the early days before kids often backfires—embracing the changes allows for deeper empathy and lasting closeness.

5. Don't avoid hard conversations for the sake of "keeping the peace"

• What it is: Avoiding difficult topics like parenting styles, household tasks, or emotional needs to prevent conflict.

• Example: Ignoring growing differences in discipline or rituals, only to blow up later over something minor.

• Why avoid it: Differences in parenting styles and uneven labor divisions in your marriage are common postpartum tensions. Avoidance builds emotional walls—while respectful dialogue deepens trust and collaboration.

Final thoughts on how to reconnect with your partner after having children

Rebuilding connection after having children doesn't happen all at once—it happens in small and consistent ways.

In this post, we've explored five keys dos and don'ts to help couples move from surviving to truly feeling close again: carving out regular date nights , improving communication, naming exhaustion, rethinking intimacy, and having the hard conversations with care. Being patient and kind to each other is important while navigating the challenges of parenthood, especially when stress and exhaustion run high.

Becoming parents often highlights pre-existing issues in a relationship that may have been ignored before. That’s where support can make all the difference.

At Atlanta Therapeutic Collective, we have a team of therapists trained to provide relationship tips and guidance to address the underlying sources of these patterns to improve long-term satisfaction.

If you're ready to seek support, reach out to schedule a new client intake session today!